Self Respect Isn’t Just For Those Of Us With Vaginas

I am so, so tired of the slut shaming. Most recently with the whole Miley Cyrus incident and now with the “FYI to Teenage Girls” post that has gone viral.

No matter your gender, you are responsible for being respectful- both of yourself and others. As females, it is not our responsibility to be perfect, chaste, meek little things. We can be whatever we want to be. If I want to wear a dress with a neckline that allows for my tits to be hanging half out, then that’s my choice. It doesn’t mean that I don’t respect myself, that I’m looking for male attention, or that I’m a whore. Most likely, it just means that I liked the dress.

A girl dressed a “certain way,” making a duck face, not wearing a bra…. none of these are things that give anyone, male or female license to do or say anything. While walking 10 feet from the door of the dance studio where I attend classes to my car, I was called a “whore” by a 12 year old boy on his bicycle. Why? For wearing shorts with fishnets. Could I have worn pants over them? Sure. Have I before? Definitely! But, it was 96 degrees, and I was walking ten feet into a dance studio. At NOON. Even if I wasn’t, it was no reason for be to be called a whore.

Yet, in our culture, what that kid did was totally acceptable. When I shared this story, you wouldn’t believe how many people told me I was “asking” to be called something because I wore fishnet tights and shorts. No, I wasn’t asking for anything. I was leaving dance class and driving home. Even if I wasn’t- let’s say I was going to walk 5 miles in that outfit- it’s still not a reason for the slut shaming. What exactly was I supposed to wear on an insanely hot day? I bet if I had just worn the shorts and not the tights, that little prick wouldn’t have said a damn thing.

We’ve somehow made these invisible rules about what is normal, what’s slutty, and what’s okay for everyone but girls to do. My husband and brothers walk around half naked all the time and no one says boo. The woman from the post that went viral had pictures of her sons topless and flexing all over the post. But girls taking pictures in their pjs, or in a short dress is something to be chastised over. Shorts are fine to wear, just don’t wear them with red lipstick and fishnet tights or you’re a whore. A short dress is fine, but if it’s tight, you’re a fucking skank. Big boobs are fine, unless you’re feeding a baby with them, then you’re disgusting and causing the downfall of society.

JUST STOP IT.

Dressing a certain way, having lots of sex, having no sex, twerking, pole dancing, sitting quietly reading, or playing with Star Wars figurines- none of it makes you any more or less of a human being than anyone else. We all deserve respect, love, and most of all, a CHANCE. A chance for people to get to know who we really are.

Girls- love yourselves. Don’t do things because you think it will make guys like you. The right guy will like you for all the right reasons, whatever those may be. Stop competing and comparing. You are beautiful, wonderful, and strong. Dress how you want to dress. Dance how you want to dance. Sleep with who you want to sleep with (use protection and a sound mind, obviously!). Be whoever and whatever you want to be. Don’t let this nonsense stop you.

Boys- love yourselves, too. Understand that consent is a real thing and it goes both ways. Don’t pressure someone into doing something they aren’t comfortable with and don’t let yourself get pressured, either. Don’t do things because you think it will make girls like you. The right girl will like you for all the right reasons, whatever those may be. You are not defined by the number of blowjobs you’ve received. True “manliness” is found in respect- for women, for men, and for yourself.

 

::End Rant::

 

 

 

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1 comments
The Bare Milk Mama
The Bare Milk Mama

Amen! I wrote something similar, I just couldn't ignore the nonsense any longer. I desperately hope you and I raise boys that will rise above rape culture and slut shaming. Boys need to be taught to respect women as more than objects.

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