5 Things You Never Say To Parents Of An Only Child
I hear this crap all the time. Don’t say this shit, guys. Seriously.
I have been trying for another baby (of any gender, I don’t care. Not one bit, two boys would be awesome) for over 3 years. I have done everything in my power and then some to try to get pregnant. It just isn’t happening. Just because I have a 4 year old and he’s my only child doesn’t mean that I don’t want more- that I haven’t been trying for another. Also, why do I need to have 1 of each gender? What’s wrong with having all boys or all girls?
“Pregnancy/childbirth was so bad you had to stop at one, huh?”
Actually, no it wasn’t. I loved being pregnant, and my birth, albeit long and exhausting, was beautiful and completely life changing. I was never happier than I was the 281 days I carried my son in my womb. It’s a time I will treasure until the end of my days. There are women who truly have horrible pregnancies and births and I don’t blame them for not wanting to do it again. They don’t need your commentary, and neither do I.
“This one (gesturing towards your child) is such a handful you didn’t want to risk another?”
Um, no. My son is actually very sweet and well behaved (most of the time). I would love to have ten babies who are just like him. He’s special and beautiful inside and out. But thank you for assuming he’s an asshole since he’s my only child.
“Don’t you think he (or she) will grow up lonely?”
This is the particular line my own grandmother likes to use on me. I would give anything to give my son a sibling, but it just isn’t happening. Do I think he will grow up lonely? No. Why? Because he has two loving parents who support and nurture him. He has cousins who adore him. We have a close knit group of friends who treat him better than most of our family does. He’s not lonely now, why would I expect that to change?
“Maybe you aren’t trying hard enough (or you’re trying too hard) to give him a sibling.”
Yes, because you, dear stranger must know more than the dozen or so midwives, nurses, doctors, and specialists I have seen in the past 3 years who can find no medical reason as to why I can’t get pregnant again. If only I should try harder. What should I do next? Bankrupt us?
If you find yourself about to say any of these things, please just put your foot in your mouth preemptively. These statements are rude, hurtful, unnecessary, and most of all- the answers are none of your damn business.