5 Things You Never Say To Parents Of An Only Child

I hear this crap all the time. Don’t say this shit, guys. Seriously.

“Don’t you want to try for a girl (or boy, depending on what you already have)?”27-Ombre-645x403_zps26cc5f5d

I have been trying for another baby (of any gender, I don’t care. Not one bit, two boys would be awesome) for over 3 years. I have done everything in my power and then some to try to get pregnant. It just isn’t happening. Just because I have a 4 year old and he’s my only child doesn’t mean that I don’t want more- that I haven’t been trying for another. Also, why do I need to have 1 of each gender? What’s wrong with having all boys or all girls?

“Pregnancy/childbirth was so bad you had to stop at one, huh?”

Actually, no it wasn’t. I loved being pregnant, and my birth, albeit long and exhausting, was beautiful and completely life changing. I was never happier than I was the 281 days I carried my son in my womb. It’s a time I will treasure until the end of my days. There are women who truly have horrible pregnancies and births and I don’t blame them for not wanting to do it again. They don’t need your commentary, and neither do I.

 

“This one (gesturing towards your child) is such a handful you didn’t want to risk another?”

Um, no. My son is actually very sweet and well behaved (most of the time). I would love to have ten babies who are just like him. He’s special and beautiful inside and out. But thank you for assuming he’s an asshole since he’s my only child.

 

“Don’t you think he (or she) will grow up lonely?”

This is the particular line my own grandmother likes to use on me. I would give anything to give my son a sibling, but it just isn’t happening. Do I think he will grow up lonely? No. Why? Because he has two loving parents who support and nurture him. He has cousins who adore him. We have a close knit group of friends who treat him better than most of our family does. He’s not lonely now, why would I expect that to change?

 

“Maybe you aren’t trying hard enough (or you’re trying too hard) to give him a sibling.”

Yes, because you, dear stranger must know more than the dozen or so midwives, nurses, doctors, and specialists I have seen in the past 3 years who can find no medical reason as to why I can’t get pregnant again. If only I should try harder. What should I do next? Bankrupt us?

 

If you find yourself about to say any of these things, please just put your foot in your mouth preemptively. These statements are rude, hurtful, unnecessary, and most of all- the answers are none of your damn business.

 

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2 comments
MariaJohnson
MariaJohnson

There are 10 years between my daughter and son. And it was not at all for lack of trying. We had an early loss and a late loss in between and I am high risk due to other health issues. Your post was right on point and greatly appreciated. Keep blogging! !

Amyash69
Amyash69

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles getting pregnant.  I had been diagnosed with unexplained infertility as well, but I really knew what the medical issue was.  I had a luteal phase defect.  Because my menstrual periods were too close together, I could not get pregnant.  Since they still fell within the range of normality, I was given the label "unexplained"  Alittle Clomid fixed everything.  There is so much bureaucracy in the medical industry.  Everything has to be either black, or white.  Since I live in Massachusetts, I was lucky enough to have all fertility treatment paid for by my heath insurance.  All the tests I had, specialists, second opinions, paid in full.   I have a friend who was with her husband for 10 years and never got pregnant.  He was tested and his sperm was fine.  She got divorced and immediately got pregnant by a different man, nobody knows why.  You have secondary infertility, which can be all the more frustrating.  I had my first child at 36, now I have 2 girls.  I only wanted girls, and I got my wish.  It's much better having two of the same sex.  It's funny when I would listen to people when they talk about their kids.  One friend who had 2 boys and a girl said: "I would not have it any other way"  Another mom who had 3 boys said they same thing!  Another mom who had 3 girls also said the same thing!    I can say you have youth on your side.  Good luck.  

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