My Scariest Mommy Moment

We all have them at some point, right? My friend The Feminist Breeder shared hers here when her son choked on his dinner. My story is very similar and equally as frightening.

Sawyer had been acting funny all weekend. He was very clingy and moody, which isn't like him at all. I mean, he's usually pretty clingy, but this was a whole new level. He practically broke down the door if I tried to go to the bathroom without him. I chalked it up to me being gone a good chunk of the weekend, but his clingy ways and mood swings persisted.

Monday, after I got home from my massage, Sawyer was glued to my side. He also took a 3 HOUR NAP which has happened, well, never. I figured he was just tired from the weekend and his sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa. He seemed off, so I asked him several times if anything hurt- his tummy, his head, throat, etc. He replied no each time. Mr. Hipster had grad school and then was spending the night in the city, so I was all alone. Sawyer went to bed at his usual 10:30, and I watched trash TV next to him.

Then, around 2:00am, I awoke to the worst possible sound ever. I heard gurgling, and then Sawyer gasping for air. He was choking on vomit in his sleep. The scenario that has been my #1 Mommy Fear EVER. I flipped him over, and nothing happened. Immediately, I started to (sort of) gently give him the Heimlich Maneuver. The vomit started spewing out of him, and he was breathing and conscious. THANK FREAKING GOD. I ran with him in my arms, completely covered in puke, into the bathroom. He threw up for about 30 minutes before stopping long enough for me to change him, clean him up, and get him something to drink. Sawbones has never been sick with a stomach bug before, so this was his first time throwing up. He had no idea what was going on, and asked me several times if he was dying. That broke my heart. I explained to him that he was just sick, and his tummy was having some problems keeping the food inside. That seemed to be a good enough explanation for him, because he then began yelling at me to change my clothes because I was covered in "throw'd up."

The puking went on and off all night and into the morning. I never slept because I was absolutely terrified. I stayed up the entire night watching him like a freaking hawk. I called Kev around 3am to let him know what happened, and I couldn't stop shaking. In the moment, I was incredibly calm, but once I had to say the words, "He was choking on vomit, I had to give him the Heimlich to make him breathe..." the reality of the situation set in. I couldn't help but think of all of the "what ifs." What if the Heimlich didn't work? What if I hadn't woken up? Even worse, what if he was in another room?! Cosleeping really saved the day here, and that's no exaggeration. If he hadn't been right next to me, I don't know what would have happened. It certainly wouldn't have been anything good.


For the record, we are all fine. Sawyer hasn't thrown up in about 36 hours. He will only eat watermelon and crackers, but that's something. He's still crabby and more lethargic than usual, but he's fine. I, however, have plans for him to sleep with a baby monitor in his room until he goes to college.

I took this while I was watching him sleep. At least one of us got rest!

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A Progress Report on my Uterus (and Why Maya Abdominal Massage is AMAZING)

So, for the past month or so, I have been getting Mayan Abdominal massages. These massages can help to relieve congestion on the abdomen, as well as help your ligaments and joints be in the optimal position in your pelvic region. This is all very important for conception and pregnancy itself. There are about a dozen ligaments that hold the uterus in place! Not to mention the many that are in and around the pelvis. I feel so awesome after these massages, and it makes me feel like I'm actually doing SOMETHING to help this whole baby-making process.

This past cycle was so different. I've been doing the self-care massage that my massage therapist recommended, as well as castor oil packs, taking Vitex, Vitamin B12, and extra folic acid. The beginning of my cycle was just like any other. I charted my temperature, along with cervical mucus and position. Then, on Day 16 or 17 I got a massage, and I ovulated! This is big for me, because I normally ovulate around Day 19 or 20! Needless to say, there was a lot of "baby dancing" going on in our house at that time. Around 3 days after ovulation I started to get some brown-ish spotting, just like I did with Sawyer. It lasted for about 4 days and then went away. My temperatures at this time were also very high for me. I never really get above 98.4 in the second half of my cycle, but this time they were well above 99! I also had very sore and veiny boobs, my mouth tasted like blood,  I had horrible insomnia, and I also threw up a couple of times out of nowhere. I thought for sure this was it!

Fast forward to Day 30- I get my period. Okay, so it's really now Day 1. Ugh. I was so bummed out. My temperature still hadn't dropped, but I was very crampy and knew I was out this cycle. I'm at least happy that I had a normal length luteal phase (12 or 13 days, with the 29 day cycle!) and that is big progress for me. Then, later that morning I had an insane emotional meltdown. I mean, I cried for HOURS. Hard, snotty, gross crying. It wasn't even about the fact that I got my period. It was mostly about how sick my mom is, and that the longer I go without getting pregnant, the more of a chance there is that she'll never meet my next baby. I called Mr. Hipster while he was on his plan period and he couldn't even understand me. I think he half expected to come home and find me gone. I was so unbelievably upset and I couldn't stop the flood of tears no matter what I did. I have never in my life cried that much in one day. Not even when people died.

Day2 of new cycle- Everything stops. I get about 2 spots of blood all day. Weird. Temperature is still high. I tell myself that if things don't pick up by the morning, I will test.

Day3- Temp drops a full degree (but still high for me during my period), and I am GUSHING blood. Like a freaking waterfall. I was also having such horrible cramps that I couldn't move. I had to use HypnoBirthing to get through them. I also noticed that they were coming about 3 minutes apart, and lasting about 60-90 seconds. I honest to God felt like I was in labor. I am now on Day 6, and about at the end of my period. Thank goodness. This has been the worst one of my life!

I truly believe that something happened this cycle. I felt so different than I ever have since we started trying to have a baby 14 long months ago. Maybe we had conception, but no implantation? Maybe it was some of the congestion moving out of my uterus? Either way, it's progress. I know that a baby is coming to us soon. I also know that the massages are to thank for all of this happening! The self care is great for men, too. Mr. Hipster has been doing it along with me. He's also going to start taking some herbs this cycle, just to help rule out any issues on his end, since he did have some "man part issues" when he was younger.

This cycle I'm doing a few more things to help the process. I am increasing the amount of Vitex I take (I was previously taking the lowest recommended dosage), I will be doing vaginal steam baths, using a very, very low dose progesterone cream, getting acupuncture done (my first appointment is on Saturday!), and on the advice of a very clever friend, I will be putting in my Diva Cup after sex. Hopefully in about a month I will have great news to report to all of you!

If you are interested in learning more about Maya Abdominal Massage, please contact Melissa here. She's awesome. You won't regret it! 

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Why I Do What I Do

I do what I do (attending births as a doula, teaching HypnoBirthing®) for many reasons. First of all, I love it. I also get to spend more time with my son, I'm my own boss, and I make a very important contribution to the world. This post isn't about any of those things. This post is about the very personal, deep in my gut reason for doing what I do. And it all starts with one person. 

My doula. 

She was also my HypnoBirthing teacher. When I got pregnant with Sawyer, I knew only 3 things: 1) I wanted a natural birth. 2) I wanted to take HypnoBirthing. 3) I wanted a doula. If I hadn't taken care of the latter 2, the first NEVER would have happened. 

My doula, T, made me so at ease and comfortable. The second we met, I knew that she was a perfect fit for us. It was like the clouds opened and the angels came down from above. To this day, my husband calls her my "Birthy SoulMate." She is empathetic to a fault, fiercely protective, saintly patient, incredibly honest, and also incredibly funny. I had full-on pregnant lady wood for her! We negotiated some things, and reworked some finances, and we were able to afford her. It was the best decision I ever made. Her constant presence and support was exactly what I needed at that time. 

There was a lot of family drama going on with Mr. Hipster's family while I was pregnant with Sawyer, so I was constantly stressed and upset. I was convinced I would end up with a premature baby from all of the tension. In addition to that, I had NO support from anyone other than my husband. My family and friends thought I was completely crazy for wanting a natural birth (except for my mom), and they felt the need to tell me that every single time I saw them. There wasn't a single person around me who thought that I could actually make it through labor without an epidural. NO ONE. 

Except my doula.

Oh, I was annoying. I called and texted and emailed her all the time. I had a million questions. But she was amazing to me (and still is). I clung to her like a desperate little barnacle. She was literally all I had. She was the only one who made me feel like they believed in me. I needed someone like her. If I had listened to everyone else around me, I would have scheduled a c-section at 38 weeks. She stood by me through all of that. Through a day and a half of labor (while she was 6 months pregnant with her 5th baby!), through unsupportive nursing staff, through me trying to leave the hospital during transition because I was convinced I would be pregnant forever. She talked me down from the ledge, she held my hand, and she told me I was doing great (even when I clearly wasn't!). When they wouldn't hand Sawyer to me right away because he wouldn't cry (which was total BS, by the way!), she kept me calm. She told me he was pink, moving, and breathing. 

Later, she introduced me to women who were like me. When I would question my parenting, she would remind me of the things I told her I wanted for my baby when I was pregnant. She helped me foster relationships with amazing women who are now like my insides, they mean so much to me. She was the one who convinced me to go for it and become a doula!

I can't help but think that there are more women out there like me. Women who don't have anyone telling them they can do it. Women who are scared, insecure, and unsupported. As a doula, I could be the only person giving that woman a positive message, just like my doula was for me. 

That's why I do what I do. 

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Posting a Facebook Status About the Color of Your Bra Isn't Going to Do SHIT About Breast Cancer

Really. It's not. It doesn't spread awareness, and it sure as hell doesn't tell people what they can actually do to reduce their risk. Buying a pink Swiffer or oven mitt isn't going to do much, either. Minimal amounts of money from each purchase go to charities, and even then, only a tiny amount actually goes towards research for a cure.  

So, what does reduce a woman's risk of breast cancer?

Well, there's the basics. Don't smoke. Eat healthy. Exercise. Stay away from hormone replacement if you can. Be aware of chemicals in plastics. Oh, and there's one more that NO ONE seems to talk about that can significantly reduce a woman's risk (and her child's!) of getting breast cancer.

BREASTFEED!

A woman's breasts fully mature after she has nursed a baby. Cell structures change and develop. Milk receptors activate. Hormones change. Lots of good stuff happens. Somehow (no one is exactly 100% sure how it works!) the sole act of nursing a child reduces breast cancer risk. 

Not only does breastfeeding greatly reduce the risk of breast cancer in the mother, it also greatly reduces the risk in the child. That goes for your sons, too, ladies. Men get breast cancer, too! Studies have shown a significant inverse relationship between duration of breastfeeding and breast cancer risk. So, the longer you nurse, the more protected you are. Moms who nurse for 2 years or more reduce their risk by 60%!!!! Also, moms who nurse are more protected against premenopausal breast cancer, and women who were nursed are more protected against postmenopausal breast cancer. If you nurse and were nursed, you have optimal protection! 

Not only does breastfeeding provide the most optimal nutrition for your child, it can also save you. Why don't more women know about this?! It seems to me that women (especially those with family history!) would be much more apt to give breastfeeding a real shot if they knew about these benefits for both themselves and their children. 

Of course, there are women who physically can't breastfeed. However, the ones that can should take a good hard look at the many, many benefits of breastfeeding before they make a decision. Yes, breastfeeding can be difficult, tiresome, and sometimes uncomfortable. It can also, though, be the difference between a mother living to see her child grow up or not. 

  

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