Mar 7, 2012

We Got CAUGHT.


Oh yeah, you read that right. We got caught. By the 2.5 year old. So, in a little over a week, I've gone from experiencing my most terrifying Mommy Moment to my most humiliating. Wahoo!

It was Friday. I was ovulating. Normally, we have no trouble having some "alone time" when S is awake because he will quietly watch a movie by himself if we really want him to. This time, however, no dice. Why not wait until he is asleep, you ask? Well, if you read this blog, you should already know the answer. HE NEVER SLEEPS. And when he does it is usually well after midnight and the two of us are much too tired to do anything remotely naughty. 

So, "Tarzan" the Disney version was put on. Sawyer was all set in his favorite chair and super excited. Then in the time it took Mr. Hipster to undress and jump under the covers (I had the foresight to keep a top on!) S busted through the door. He stopped for a second and gave us a look that I can't even imitate. He just KNEW that we were doing something that he shouldn't see. Then, he smirked and said, "Daddy, what are you naked for?" (No, he didn't see anything, just that Mr. H had no shirt on). We told him we were camping. I have no idea why. That's what Mr. Hipster said and I just went along with it. S was very happy with this answer, and scampered away, back to his movie. Too bad it was too late for us. Mr. Hipster was very scarred by this incident and has yet to touch me. Oh well, here's too next month! And here's to the end of sex while the kids are awake. It was a good 2.5 year run!

Have you ever been caught by your kids? What did you say? What did they say? Did you ever have sex again?!?!
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Feb 23, 2012

My Scariest Mommy Moment

We all have them at some point, right? My friend The Feminist Breeder shared hers here when her son choked on his dinner. My story is very similar and equally as frightening.

Sawyer had been acting funny all weekend. He was very clingy and moody, which isn't like him at all. I mean, he's usually pretty clingy, but this was a whole new level. He practically broke down the door if I tried to go to the bathroom without him. I chalked it up to me being gone a good chunk of the weekend, but his clingy ways and mood swings persisted.

Monday, after I got home from my massage, Sawyer was glued to my side. He also took a 3 HOUR NAP which has happened, well, never. I figured he was just tired from the weekend and his sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa. He seemed off, so I asked him several times if anything hurt- his tummy, his head, throat, etc. He replied no each time. Mr. Hipster had grad school and then was spending the night in the city, so I was all alone. Sawyer went to bed at his usual 10:30, and I watched trash TV next to him.

Then, around 2:00am, I awoke to the worst possible sound ever. I heard gurgling, and then Sawyer gasping for air. He was choking on vomit in his sleep. The scenario that has been my #1 Mommy Fear EVER. I flipped him over, and nothing happened. Immediately, I started to (sort of) gently give him the Heimlich Maneuver. The vomit started spewing out of him, and he was breathing and conscious. THANK FREAKING GOD. I ran with him in my arms, completely covered in puke, into the bathroom. He threw up for about 30 minutes before stopping long enough for me to change him, clean him up, and get him something to drink. Sawbones has never been sick with a stomach bug before, so this was his first time throwing up. He had no idea what was going on, and asked me several times if he was dying. That broke my heart. I explained to him that he was just sick, and his tummy was having some problems keeping the food inside. That seemed to be a good enough explanation for him, because he then began yelling at me to change my clothes because I was covered in "throw'd up."

The puking went on and off all night and into the morning. I never slept because I was absolutely terrified. I stayed up the entire night watching him like a freaking hawk. I called Kev around 3am to let him know what happened, and I couldn't stop shaking. In the moment, I was incredibly calm, but once I had to say the words, "He was choking on vomit, I had to give him the Heimlich to make him breathe..." the reality of the situation set in. I couldn't help but think of all of the "what ifs." What if the Heimlich didn't work? What if I hadn't woken up? Even worse, what if he was in another room?! Cosleeping really saved the day here, and that's no exaggeration. If he hadn't been right next to me, I don't know what would have happened. It certainly wouldn't have been anything good.


For the record, we are all fine. Sawyer hasn't thrown up in about 36 hours. He will only eat watermelon and crackers, but that's something. He's still crabby and more lethargic than usual, but he's fine. I, however, have plans for him to sleep with a baby monitor in his room until he goes to college.

I took this while I was watching him sleep. At least one of us got rest!


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Feb 21, 2012

A Progress Report on my Uterus (and Why Maya Abdominal Massage is AMAZING)

So, for the past month or so, I have been getting Mayan Abdominal massages. These massages can help to relieve congestion on the abdomen, as well as help your ligaments and joints be in the optimal position in your pelvic region. This is all very important for conception and pregnancy itself. There are about a dozen ligaments that hold the uterus in place! Not to mention the many that are in and around the pelvis. I feel so awesome after these massages, and it makes me feel like I'm actually doing SOMETHING to help this whole baby-making process.

This past cycle was so different. I've been doing the self-care massage that my massage therapist recommended, as well as castor oil packs, taking Vitex, Vitamin B12, and extra folic acid. The beginning of my cycle was just like any other. I charted my temperature, along with cervical mucus and position. Then, on Day 16 or 17 I got a massage, and I ovulated! This is big for me, because I normally ovulate around Day 19 or 20! Needless to say, there was a lot of "baby dancing" going on in our house at that time. Around 3 days after ovulation I started to get some brown-ish spotting, just like I did with Sawyer. It lasted for about 4 days and then went away. My temperatures at this time were also very high for me. I never really get above 98.4 in the second half of my cycle, but this time they were well above 99! I also had very sore and veiny boobs, my mouth tasted like blood,  I had horrible insomnia, and I also threw up a couple of times out of nowhere. I thought for sure this was it!

Fast forward to Day 30- I get my period. Okay, so it's really now Day 1. Ugh. I was so bummed out. My temperature still hadn't dropped, but I was very crampy and knew I was out this cycle. I'm at least happy that I had a normal length luteal phase (12 or 13 days, with the 29 day cycle!) and that is big progress for me. Then, later that morning I had an insane emotional meltdown. I mean, I cried for HOURS. Hard, snotty, gross crying. It wasn't even about the fact that I got my period. It was mostly about how sick my mom is, and that the longer I go without getting pregnant, the more of a chance there is that she'll never meet my next baby. I called Mr. Hipster while he was on his plan period and he couldn't even understand me. I think he half expected to come home and find me gone. I was so unbelievably upset and I couldn't stop the flood of tears no matter what I did. I have never in my life cried that much in one day. Not even when people died.

Day2 of new cycle- Everything stops. I get about 2 spots of blood all day. Weird. Temperature is still high. I tell myself that if things don't pick up by the morning, I will test.

Day3- Temp drops a full degree (but still high for me during my period), and I am GUSHING blood. Like a freaking waterfall. I was also having such horrible cramps that I couldn't move. I had to use HypnoBirthing to get through them. I also noticed that they were coming about 3 minutes apart, and lasting about 60-90 seconds. I honest to God felt like I was in labor. I am now on Day 6, and about at the end of my period. Thank goodness. This has been the worst one of my life!

I truly believe that something happened this cycle. I felt so different than I ever have since we started trying to have a baby 14 long months ago. Maybe we had conception, but no implantation? Maybe it was some of the congestion moving out of my uterus? Either way, it's progress. I know that a baby is coming to us soon. I also know that the massages are to thank for all of this happening! The self care is great for men, too. Mr. Hipster has been doing it along with me. He's also going to start taking some herbs this cycle, just to help rule out any issues on his end, since he did have some "man part issues" when he was younger.

This cycle I'm doing a few more things to help the process. I am increasing the amount of Vitex I take (I was previously taking the lowest recommended dosage), I will be doing vaginal steam baths, using a very, very low dose progesterone cream, getting acupuncture done (my first appointment is on Saturday!), and on the advice of a very clever friend, I will be putting in my Diva Cup after sex. Hopefully in about a month I will have great news to report to all of you!

If you are interested in learning more about Maya Abdominal Massage, please contact Melissa here. She's awesome. You won't regret it! 


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Feb 16, 2012

Why I Do What I Do

I do what I do (attending births as a doula, teaching HypnoBirthing®) for many reasons. First of all, I love it. I also get to spend more time with my son, I'm my own boss, and I make a very important contribution to the world. This post isn't about any of those things. This post is about the very personal, deep in my gut reason for doing what I do. And it all starts with one person. 

My doula. 

She was also my HypnoBirthing teacher. When I got pregnant with Sawyer, I knew only 3 things: 1) I wanted a natural birth. 2) I wanted to take HypnoBirthing. 3) I wanted a doula. If I hadn't taken care of the latter 2, the first NEVER would have happened. 

My doula, T, made me so at ease and comfortable. The second we met, I knew that she was a perfect fit for us. It was like the clouds opened and the angels came down from above. To this day, my husband calls her my "Birthy SoulMate." She is empathetic to a fault, fiercely protective, saintly patient, incredibly honest, and also incredibly funny. I had full-on pregnant lady wood for her! We negotiated some things, and reworked some finances, and we were able to afford her. It was the best decision I ever made. Her constant presence and support was exactly what I needed at that time. 

There was a lot of family drama going on with Mr. Hipster's family while I was pregnant with Sawyer, so I was constantly stressed and upset. I was convinced I would end up with a premature baby from all of the tension. In addition to that, I had NO support from anyone other than my husband. My family and friends thought I was completely crazy for wanting a natural birth (except for my mom), and they felt the need to tell me that every single time I saw them. There wasn't a single person around me who thought that I could actually make it through labor without an epidural. NO ONE. 

Except my doula.

Oh, I was annoying. I called and texted and emailed her all the time. I had a million questions. But she was amazing to me (and still is). I clung to her like a desperate little barnacle. She was literally all I had. She was the only one who made me feel like they believed in me. I needed someone like her. If I had listened to everyone else around me, I would have scheduled a c-section at 38 weeks. She stood by me through all of that. Through a day and a half of labor (while she was 6 months pregnant with her 5th baby!), through unsupportive nursing staff, through me trying to leave the hospital during transition because I was convinced I would be pregnant forever. She talked me down from the ledge, she held my hand, and she told me I was doing great (even when I clearly wasn't!). When they wouldn't hand Sawyer to me right away because he wouldn't cry (which was total BS, by the way!), she kept me calm. She told me he was pink, moving, and breathing. 

Later, she introduced me to women who were like me. When I would question my parenting, she would remind me of the things I told her I wanted for my baby when I was pregnant. She helped me foster relationships with amazing women who are now like my insides, they mean so much to me. She was the one who convinced me to go for it and become a doula!

I can't help but think that there are more women out there like me. Women who don't have anyone telling them they can do it. Women who are scared, insecure, and unsupported. As a doula, I could be the only person giving that woman a positive message, just like my doula was for me. 

That's why I do what I do. 

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Feb 7, 2012

Posting a Facebook Status About the Color of Your Bra Isn't Going to Do SHIT About Breast Cancer

Really. It's not. It doesn't spread awareness, and it sure as hell doesn't tell people what they can actually do to reduce their risk. Buying a pink Swiffer or oven mitt isn't going to do much, either. Minimal amounts of money from each purchase go to charities, and even then, only a tiny amount actually goes towards research for a cure.  


So, what does reduce a woman's risk of breast cancer?

Well, there's the basics. Don't smoke. Eat healthy. Exercise. Stay away from hormone replacement if you can. Be aware of chemicals in plastics. Oh, and there's one more that NO ONE seems to talk about that can significantly reduce a woman's risk (and her child's!) of getting breast cancer.


A woman's breasts fully mature after she has nursed a baby. Cell structures change and develop. Milk receptors activate. Hormones change. Lots of good stuff happens. Somehow (no one is exactly 100% sure how it works!) the sole act of nursing a child reduces breast cancer risk. 

Not only does breastfeeding greatly reduce the risk of breast cancer in the mother, it also greatly reduces the risk in the child. That goes for your sons, too, ladies. Men get breast cancer, too! Studies have shown a significant inverse relationship between duration of breastfeeding and breast cancer risk. So, the longer you nurse, the more protected you are. Moms who nurse for 2 years or more reduce their risk by 60%!!!! Also, moms who nurse are more protected against premenopausal breast cancer, and women who were nursed are more protected against postmenopausal breast cancer. If you nurse and were nursed, you have optimal protection! 

Not only does breastfeeding provide the most optimal nutrition for your child, it can also save you. Why don't more women know about this?! It seems to me that women (especially those with family history!) would be much more apt to give breastfeeding a real shot if they knew about these benefits for both themselves and their children. 

Of course, there are women who physically can't breastfeed. However, the ones that can should take a good hard look at the many, many benefits of breastfeeding before they make a decision. Yes, breastfeeding can be difficult, tiresome, and sometimes uncomfortable. It can also, though, be the difference between a mother living to see her child grow up or not. 


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Jan 31, 2012

My Son, The Miser.

This post isn't deep, or long, or even really all that remarkable. But this happened in our family last week, and it is still making me laugh every time I think about it, so I thought I would share.....


Sawyer got a small boombox for Christmas, and we use it mostly for playing audiobooks of Curious George, Click Clack Moo Cows That Type, and other children's stories. He likes to listen to them while he plays in his room (that he doesn't sleep in). I put on one of his cds and then went off to take a quick shower. Now, this never really ends well when I do this, but we had somewhere to be, and I was disgusting, so there was no getting around it.

I took about a 6 minute shower, and when I came out and checked on him, he was playing with the boombox, like he always does. Except this time, he got really bashful about it and seemed to be hiding something. I asked what he was doing, and he instantly froze. It seemed like he was playing with the tapedeck (which was no big deal since we don't use cassettes), but I heard what sounded like metal. I asked if I could see the stereo, and he said okay. When I opened the tapedeck, I discovered about $3 worth of change! He had been hiding money in his stereo! I asked him where he got the money, and he said that he found it on the floor and was saving it. When I asked him why he hid it in his stereo he said, "BECAUSE DADDY WILL STEAL ALL MY MONEY!" 


I still have NO idea where he got the money (we almost never have cash on us!) or how long he has been collecting it. My guess is it has to have been a while! I asked him what he wanted to buy with his money and he said, "Bananas and coffee." He is his father's son, that's for sure!

My little miserly Viking!



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Jan 26, 2012

I'm Getting My Uterus Massaged. No, Really!

Yup! You read that right. No, you dirty birdy, no one is sticking their hands up my hoo-ha.

Last week, I got my first Mayan Abdominal Massage. What is that, you ask? Well, it is "a non-invasive, external, massage technique. When applied, they guide internal abdominal organs into their proper position for optimum health and well being. The techniques work by relieving congestion and blockages to improve the flow of chi and fluids of the circulatory, lymphatic and nervous systems to prevent the progression of chronic disease symptomology. This results in improved organ function by releasing physical and emotional congestion from the abdomen."It works for both men and women, but for women, it can help move the uterus into the optimal position for conception. The uterus is held in place by almost a dozen ligaments. If those ligaments are stressed, or out of place themselves, the uterus may not be in the correct position. It can even help moms who have had c-sections with breaking up some of the scar tissue or adhesions (which are very common after having abdominal surgery).

I was a little scared at first, because I didn't really know what to expect in terms of how it would feel, or if I would be able to be relaxed. It took a few minutes, but after that, I was a like a puddle of drool. I was so relaxed, and I'm pretty sure I fell asleep for a few minutes. The massage consists mostly of lower abdominal work, but I also had my back, neck, and shoulders worked on as well. I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders and lower back, so that is extremely helpful to me.

I was right near the end of my period, so I was a little bit tender, but nothing hurt at all. It just felt a little odd. It was so cool, though, because I could actually feel things moving around! I did experience some mild cramping afterwards, but that is normal. I took it as a sign that things were moving and trying to get into the best position possible for my future baby. Also, when your abdomen is worked on, it can release a lot of emotion. A lot of women cry either during or after the massage. I knew that, and was prepared to be a sobbing mess. I wasn't though. That didn't come until the next day, when I was very weepy and nauseous. I was also very angry, and I yelled at Kev, "If I am going through all of this shit and the problem is you, I'm going to kill you!" He kept his distance for a couple of days after that.

One of the most important parts of the massage is the self-care that I have to do daily for about 3-5 minutes a day. It's very, very simple and I feel so relaxed and refreshed after I do it. I can literally feel any pent up tension or emotion just releasing itself. It's wonderful! I am also making some diet changes (no caffeine or alcohol, no processed foods, and limiting dairy products) and trying to work out more in order to make sure I am as healthy as possible for my future babe. This baby will most likely be my last (at least biologically), so I want to make it count!

If you are trying to conceive, have any sort of abdominal or menstrual pain, have bad periods, or are a C-section mama, I can't recommend this enough. It's only been 5 days and I already feel so much better!

This is a short YouTube video on the technique, that explains things a lot better than I could.





I will continue to blog about the massages, and how I feel they are helping on my Journey to Hipster #2. If you are in the Chicagoland area, I highly recommend that you contact Melissa, who does my massages. She also does prenatal and postnatal massages! You can reach her here. You won't regret it! 






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Jan 19, 2012

Home Birth Guest Post Series: Kailah's Story!

This is another totally beautiful, amazing home birth story. Thank you Kailah and Zarik for sharing it!



Ezekiah Mitchell's Birth Story


Ezekiah is our 3rd baby, but my first homebirth. My first was an emergent induction at 41 weeks due to an AFI of O at our BPP. Her birth ended in a C-section. My second was a completely natural, unmedicated VBAC in the hospital. It was a great birth, but I knew it could still be better, so with our 3rd I chose a homebirth where I could use a birth pool and not have any freaking wires or tubes attatched to me. Since having my c-section, I had immersed myself in the local birth community and had relationships with many doulas and a few midwives. So when the time came it was easy for me to pick my birth team. For my midwife I chose someone who knew my fears based on my c-section and previous miscarriage, could watchcare over me, and yet was as hands off as I needed her to be and trusted ME. My doula had been my ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network - www.ican-online.org) mentor and friend since my C-section and so it was a no brainer to ask her to be my doula.
Ezekiah's birth story begins with desparation. Monday, August 16th, I was 13 days past my due date. I was in pain, I was anxious, Zarik was looking at rescheduling his annual checkride for a second time (he's an airline pilot), my mom had just extended her trip out here for the second time and I'd had a bunch of "false starts" aka prodromal labor. I kept telling Zarik that this game was NOT fun anymore. So that night I decided to take castor oil. 2oz in a glass of OJ. An hour later I was so sick to my stomach and tired and just plain sore that I was bawling on Zarik's shoulder about how I just couldn't do this anymore and the only reason I wasn't begging for a c-section was I knew if I did that I would never bond with this baby because I was so upset with him over how much pain I was in. I finally calmed down and went to bed. Sure enough I was up and in the bathroom several times that night.

Tuesday, August 17th, I woke up with decently hard contractions that were 4-5 minutes apart. The castor oil had worked! I was still depressed from the night before and I really didn't want to be around the kids so I stayed hidden in my room for a while. And then I took a shower. Which spaced the contracts out to 10 minutes. I was frustrated. About noon Zarik convinced me to go to the hardware store and Starbucks with him. Then when we got home my mom and the kids packed up and went to my sisters house. I'd updated my doula and midwife throughout the day and finally about 8pm I called my doula in. She watched me for a bit then suggested we try to sleep. The contractions spaced to about 15 minutes during the night but required help through them.

Wednesday, August 18th found my doula going home, and me STILL in "just" early labor. I had a midwife appointment at 1, and decided to get into the chiropractor as well. The chiro spent a LOT of time with me making sure I was well adjusted and going over some emotional points in the body. Then we saw the midwife who checked me and found me at a very stretch 6cm!! You should have seen the look on her face, lol! The combination of the adjustment and finding I was 6cm relaxed me enough that I was hungry (I hadn't been hungry or eaten anything big for a couple days. I had made myself eat things like cheese and turkey). So Zarik and I went to Panera for lunch. It's always interesting going out to eat in labor because I'm trying not to scare everyone in the restaurant, haha! (I did in labor with Urijah, too) After that we had to get his tux for a wedding that weekend. By the time we left Men's Warehouse I told him we'd better get home as quick as we could - 45 minutes up our mountain pass. I definitely felt myself shift into active labor during the drive home. We're probably the only people who had to rush HOME to give birth, lol!

Once home, I wanted to get into my birth tub right away so I changed clothes while Zarik finished getting it ready. This only took 5 minutes and Zarik made me call the midwife and doula while I waited. They both said they'd be right there. This was about 3:20. I jumped into the tub and contractions immediately picked up. The water felt AMAZING. It gave me a few longer breaks which were nice.  I would just float in the water, looking out our open sliding glass door at Pikes Peak, amazed that I was doing this in our home! Despite the water, the contractions made me feel like I would split apart. I looked at Zarik and said "Screw active labor, I'm in transition!" It took the doula and midwife about and hour to get there. The doula got there first and as she put her purse down she stopped, looked at Zarik who was in the tub with me as I was having a contraction and said "Is she pushing?!" He just nodded. The midwife got there 3 minutes later and they quickely and quietly got everything they needed ready. The next 30 minutes were spent with me in such constant pain that I couldn't tell when contractions started or stopped. Zarik described me as a defiant 2 year old because I kept yelling at them that baby wasn't coming fast enough and it hurt SOOOOOO bad. During the last few minutes of pushing I was just focused on getting him out when the midwife had to ask me if my contraction had stopped and if so to stop pushing. I honestly hadn't realized it had because I was in so much pain in my pelvis. I waited for the next one, my water broke on the first push, I have 2 more pushes and he was OUT!! PRAISE GOD!!  It was 5pm. Zarik almost got to catch him, but I twisted around at the last minute and caught him myself!

Now the only complication happened - his cord was so short it snapped as he popped out, spewing blood out. My awesome midwife grabbed the cord and pinched it calmly but urgently telling her assistant to grab the umbilical clamp. They clamped Ezekiah's side, while my side just went back up! It took about 10 minutes before I delivered the placenta, which wasn't bad and it looked great. I just sat in the tub during that time and tried to nurse. Ezekiah was telling us off though, which made it difficult, haha!  Also, because the sac had popped so late in the game he had a little "skull cap" of amniotic sac on his head.  I thought that was pretty neat!  After that I got out and moved to a blow up bed we had set up for after, and I successfully got him latched on. After about 30 minutes or so the midwife did the assesment and he was 7lbs 2oz, 20.5 inches long, and a 14" head! Our biggest baby, haha! And no wonder my pelvis kept feeling like it would split with that head!! They also "dated" him at acting and looking like a 40 week 5 day baby - over a week younger than when he was born. I guess he just needed the extra time. I don't remember the apgars, but I'm sure they were high.





You can see the video I made here: http://youtu.be/VnEstBGEXI8


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Jan 16, 2012

Home Birth Guest Post Series: Ariel's Story

This story is SO beautiful. Thank you so much, Ariel, for sharing it. 


(Im writing this while sitting in my bed watching my baby sleep.  The very same bed she was born in :)

Arava Ellah spun into the world 9 weeks ago onto the bed she now shares with her mom and dad. I say 'spun' because the midwife commented on how once the head had emerged, the rest of her came out in a spin, like a corkscrew. Long before I got pregnant, I dreamed of a home birth.  I became a doula two years ago, and from my very first birth in a hospital ( I have only attended hospital births) I knew that there had to be a better way:  better for moms, babies and families.  It pained me every time I heard a woman being told that she 'had' to do something "because thats hospital policy".  Hospital policy is not birth, its protocol.  And anyone who has given birth or witnessed birth knows, every birth is different, every woman is different, so how can every policy be the best for every mom?  I hated seeing women hooked up to IVs, monitors and tethered to a bed.  I couldn't (and still don't) believe that that is the best way for a woman to go through birth and for a baby to enter the world.  I wanted to give birth in a environment where I felt safe, secure, surrounded by those who care about me, and where my baby could enter the world in a peaceful loving environment.  For me, home was the only option.  As soon as I found out I was pregnant (a real miracle after I would need fertility treatments, but never did) I started looking for a midwife.  Not long after becoming a Doula I realized that I have a strong calling to become a midwife, I believe in the midwifery model of care, embracing pregnancy and birth as part of the life cycle, not a sickness that needs to be treated: women centered care. Where I live, only a CNM (certified nurse midwife) can legally issue a birth certificate, meaning that birthing at home with anyone other than a CNM means that they are practicing illegally.  So I started my search for a CNM.  I support direct entry midwifery, and really believe in it, but we decided that we didn't want issues with care in the case of a need for a hospital transfer (and a non licensed midwife could be a problem in that case).  We interviewed two midwives, and when we met the second (whom I already knew) we just knew she was the one for us.  (Its kind of like when I met my husband for the first, I just knew we were meant to be together, and she was meant to be there for my birth!).

I loved my prenatal appointments at the midwife's birthing center.  It was *my* time to talk about being pregnant, how I feel physically and emotionally, ask questions and really feel special about the life growing inside me.  It was so nice to get that time with my husband too, for us to hear the baby together, to talk about what we are experiencing together.  My OB (who I saw for the first 2 months of pregnancy) barely had time to ask what my name was.  I really felt that my midwife was invested in my pregnancy and I knew she would provide amazing care for me during my birth. To me this was so important, because as a Doula I really believe that the birth experience begins that day you find out you are pregnant. And feeling confident and empowered during pregnancy means being empowered during birth.

In mid August (week 37 I believe) I started having contractions.  I had contractions, for a few hours a day, every day, for 3 weeks.  They call this "prodromal labor" I called it hell.  It wasn't the pain, that I could deal with, it was the constant disappointment that nearly every day after a few hours of contractions, that they would just end and I would have to realize that that day was not my baby's birthday.  The waiting was agonizing.  This though, was made so much better by the fact that I was planning a home birth because in all those days of labor, I never needed to go to the hospital.  I didn't have to know if "today is the day" because I didn't need to go anywhere.  I was always in contact with my midwife and we were just ready. (My husband did end up missing work a few times though when I felt certain IT was happening).  Sure enough, it finally did.  (I always tell women that the only certainty in birth is that in the end, one way or another, the baby does come out!).  I woke up around 5 am Sunday morning feeling something was very different with the contractions I was feeling.  They were strong enough to have woken me up, and I knew it was happening. I went to the bathroom and saw blood.  I called the midwife and she said she was on her way.  I went back to bed and woke up my husband.  We were calm, but so excited.  Labor was slow.  I had contractions every 3-4 minutes for the next 23 hours. I was dilating about 1 cm every 4 hours. (Again this is something I am so grateful that I was at home for, because I know in the hospital with progress like that they would have been pushing Pitocin on me).  There were a few lulls in the contractions and my midwife suggested we call a woman who specializes in shiatsu and reflexology for birth.  She came over and after an hour things really got going.  Around 5 or 6 pm I had reached 5cm and my midwife said we could go ahead and start setting up the birth pool to use.  I was so excited about this, as it was really motivating to watch my husband set it up and realize I was far enough into to get into the water!  Unfortunately though, the pool was not all I had dreamed it to be (and trust me, all of my fantasies involved a water birth).  I just couldn't get comfortable in the pool, and by then I was getting really tired and preferred either walking, or laying on the bed. (But every once and a while I would get in the water to change it up).  Around midnight I was going through transition.  I started shaking very intensely during contractions, but I wasn't moving past 7 cm.  The amniotic sac was bulging out, my cervix was paper thin, but it just wasn't opening.  Finally my midwife asked me what I was afraid of.  She said whatever it was, I could say it.  That I was safe.  I yelled out to her and my husband that I was afraid to have the baby.  I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to care for her, or how to be a mother.  She told me that she knew I could do it, that I was so strong that I wouldn't be doing it alone.  That space that she created for me, to let out my fears, created more space inside.  I quickly dilated to 10cm and started saying I needed to push.  My midwife checked me and while she did my waters broke.  (I just want to add that every exam was at my request, she never did anything against my wishes or that I was uncomfortable with).  Since the waters had meconium in it, my midwife said she didn't want me to give birth in the tub, and I was fine with that because I just wanted to lay on my bed. I started pushing on a birthing stool but felt really uncomfortable there.  I remember not feeling the contractions anymore, just an overwhelming need to PUSH!! I was laying on my side, holding my left leg, with my head in my husband's lap. I was so motivated to push her out, because I just really wanted labor to be over.  All I could think about was how uncomfortable and tired I was, and how much I wanted it to be done already!  I couldn't even think about my baby much.  Finally my midwife said she saw some hair and I just remember reaching a whole new level of energy to get the baby out and hold her.  I reached down and felt her head and just started saying over and over "my baby, my baby".  Finally, after an hour and a half, my baby emerged at 4:10 am.  She slid out and I reached down for her and the midwife helped place her on my chest.  I was so overwhelmed with love for her.  I just remember crying and kissing her.  It had been such a long journey to that moment.  And in that moment I was born as a mother.  That was my baby, she was finally in my arms.  My husband was kissing me and we just cried with joy.  I started rubbing her back and she gave out a cry. She was so beautiful.

 For the first three hours she just laid on my chest.  She was very quiet, but alert. After quite a long time the midwife suggest I try to get up to take a shower and we could weigh the baby and check her out. I took a few steps and then announced that I was going to pass out, and then I did. Now, for all those who always said to me "what if...." about having a home birth:  I did loose a good amount of blood, and that combined with my exhaustion and low blood sugar from having not eaten for many hours (I just couldn't once things got intense) caused me to pass out. My midwife and husband helped me lay down in the shower (this all happened in the bathroom) and after a few minutes I was able to get up, rinse off and get back to bed (which my mom had already cleaned up, not that there was o much of a mess though, its really not as bad as people imagine).  I laid there and ate while my little one was weighed and checked right next to me.  It was wonderful.  My midwife handled everything very calmly and I was never scarred for my safety.  She kept checking my vitals (BP, temp, pulse) and after an hour felt confident that I was just fine.  After she finished filing out the forms she needed to she went home for some much deserved rest.  She called every few hours to check in and came back two days later to check on us. My husband baby, and I all exhausted fell asleep together for 4 hours.

My birth was the single most empowering and significant moment of my life.  I say "my birth" because, while it is the story of how Arava was born, it is also my story of how I was born as a mother, and reborn as a woman.  I could have never imagined I was that strong, and I have lived through some serious stuff. That experience gave me the strength to look at her on those rough days of motherhood and say "if I could do that I can do anything".  Because even though I was surrounded by support and love, only I was the one going through labor.  Only I was giving birth.  No drugs, no machines, just my body and that is why I believe home birth is so incredible.  It was just me in my home, where I felt safe, secure, and uninhibited. No strangers touching me or watching me, no confinement.  I was free to move, make noise, eat, cry, laugh, moan... whatever I needed to do.  And it was beautiful.



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Jan 13, 2012

Sorry Honda, but Marriage and Babies Aren't the End of all Things Awesome.

Have you guys seen these new Honda commercials? Well, the first is about all of the things you have to do before you get married, and the other is the same premise, except about babies. Ugh.







I'm sorry, Honda, but I wasn't aware that as soon as I put a ring on my finger and pushed a baby out of my vagina, all fun was illegal. Seriously, do people really think like this?

First of all, let it be known that I do NOT think marriage and children are for everyone. They certainly are not. Marriage and procreation are decisions that in no way should be taken lightly, and should only be something that you absolutely know you want to do. Because they take work. And because they are hard, but in a good way.

The first commercial, in which a man proposes to his very beautiful blonde girlfriend, shows her hesitating to say yes because she "has so much left to do." WTF!? One of things that she has to do before she gets married is go mountain climbing. I had no idea such activities were off limits to us married folk. Was the white water rafting trip I took on my honeymoon against the laws of marriage? Also, she says she has to finish her short film. Yes, because iMovie deletes itself once you say "I do." Seriously?!

Marriage, when you want it, is AWESOME. It has it's difficulties, yes, but in essence, it is an amazing thing. I love being married. No one knows me better than my husband. He thinks I'm gorgeous, even with snot on my clothes, milk stains on my shirts, and greasy hair from my lack of a shower. He leaves me notes in the morning. He does the dishes because I hate to (I clean the bathroom because he hates that. Everything else, we alternate.). We have extensive conversations about things I would never talk about with anyone else. Things like celebrity sex tapes (making fun of them, not watching them in a sexy way), and the best ways in which to pop a zit, the different sounds different zits make when popped, the levels of gratification when popping said zit. Aside from the mature conversation, we also are constantly supportive of one another. I support him with his job, music, and writing. He supports me with my job, writing, and other interests. It's a great feeling knowing you constantly have a cheerleader- someone in your corner. It gives a person a lot of confidence he/she may not have otherwise had.

If you think that marriage = the end of all fun, then please, for the love of God, DON'T GET MARRIED. Getting married should make you feel butterflies, and make you fall in love with that person all over again. Notice how I said getting married and NOT planning a wedding. Planning a wedding sucks. Getting married, however, is the light at the end of that cardiac arrest inducing tunnel.

As I said above,  the second commercial is the same premise, but involves a woman telling her husband that she's ready to have a baby. Then, like the other, he says that he has so much to do first. Like build a fighting ROBOT. Yes, a robot. Again, I had no idea you can't do that once you have kids. Sure, you might not have as much time to build said robot, but a baby certainly won't stop you. Hell, you could probably program the robot to change diapers and fold laundry! He also says he needs to see the Northern Lights. Hmmm... I'm pretty sure they allow babies in Alaska. Just ask Bristol Palin.


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Jan 9, 2012

Home Birth Guest Post Series: Heather's Home Birth of Kage!


I'm trying to space these out a bit, but they are back! I have LOTS of home birth stories from amazing mamas to share with all of you! 


Kage's Home Water Birth


I choose a home water birth because birth is a natural part of life, not a medical event. The more I read about hospital births the more I was absolutely sure that is NOT what I wanted to bring my baby in to even years before I ever got pregnant. My body was made to bring life into this world and all I needed to do was trust it and it would be able to do everything on its own and safely.
And my birth was Beautiful. I don't know if words will ever quite do it justice but I will try...
I was so excited when I went into labor at 2am on July 3rd. "This was it" I thought, "I will be holding you very soon. Now to just get through labor and birth...". Admittedly, I was a little nervous about the pain because it was my first birth. MJ (my husband) was my source of strength and support and helped me realize I could do it.
I labored most of the day in our bedroom on a huge yoga ball listening to Native American music with nature sounds. It was so calming and relaxing and allowed me to be in a Zen like trance. The pain wasn't pain anymore and I was able to focus all the energy on my body opening. I just kept thinking and saying "open, open, open, open" and picturing a lotus flower every time a contraction came on.
By around 9pm I was 6cm dilated. To help speed things up MJ and my midwife convinced me to walk from our 3rd floor apartment to the pool down the street to labor in for awhile. What felt like a hundred years and 3 contractions later we finally got to the pool. The cool water was so inviting to my huge, heavy, contracting belly. While in my trance (otherwise known as "laborland") I just stared at the stars. They were so hypnotic. Like I was dangling at the edge of the universe and everything else around me was a blur. I heard the conversations around me but I didn't understand them. "OH, soooo this is 'laborland' " I thought. I don't really know how long we stayed at the swimming pool, but when we finally made it back to the apartment I kept asking April (my midwife) "can I have my hot pool yet?!" She said I had to wait until I was 7cm and when she checked me around midnight I was 8cm dilated. Then finally April spoke the words I had been waiting so long to hear, "MJ, its time to fill the pool."
An hour later I was able to step into the pool and I just melted. The hot water was so relieving on my tired body. It was like a warm protective blanket being wrapped all around me. I took the position of squatting in the water with the top half of my body hanging over the edge of the tub. That position helps open my pelvis and would allow me to be working with gravity to help the baby to descend better. I got the famous 20-30 minute break between the Transition and Pushing phase and the hot water allowed me to finally get sleep for some time. When I was awaken by contractions, I felt this uncontrollable urge to push. I asked April, "My body wants to push! Can I push?!" she checked me and I was fully dilated and said "Ok Heather, I want you to try to give me 3 pushes with each contraction". "This is it" I thought, "here you come!". MJ held my hand tight and when I looked up at him, he had tears of joy running down his face. He was my most loving and confident support while I was pushing. I don't know what I would have done with out him. 
After what felt like 5 minutes (but really was 30 minutes) of pushing the head was out. April told me "One last push Heather and you will be holding your baby!". And with that last push the baby was out! April pushed the baby underneath my legs and I lifted baby to my chest. I looked down to see and "Its a boy!!" I exclaimed looking at MJ who was smiling tears of joy. I looked at my beautiful baby boy for the first time and our eyes locked and our souls became entwined forever. "Welcome to the beautiful world Kage. I love you."
Kage John 
Born: 6lbs 14oz at 4:32am



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Jan 7, 2012

I'm 99% Sure My Son is a Robot

Really. I'm not joking. Yes, I gave birth to all 9+ pounds of him, but as he gets older and older, I'm truly beginning to believe that he might not actually be human. I have come up with 3 possible answers: 1) He's a robot. 2) He's superhuman. 3) Someone has been sneaking him meth when I'm not looking.


So, why do I think that he might be a robot? BECAUSE HE NEVER FUCKING SLEEPS. EVER. 


You see this face? Don't let the extreme cuteness fool you.
This is the face of NOT SLEEPING.

I'm not joking. He's never slept for more than 3 hours at a time (once or twice for 4 or 5 hours) in his entire 2.33 years of existence. He doesn't got to bed until 11pm or later, is up by 7 or 8am, and almost never naps for more than an hour. The upside here is that he typically isn't fussy. He never has been a big crier, and he is generally an exceptionally happy, well behaved little boy. Even when he's up into the wee hours, he's generally very jovial, and easy to care for. He's just never tired. He will straight up tell you, "I never sleep. I'm never tired!" The amount of energy he possesses would astound you. You'd think that I was mainlining espresso and then nursing him. 

This is not a call for advice or judgement. I've tried everything imaginable to try to get him to sleep. Yes, we have a very consistent bedtime routine. Yes, he has been checked for underlying medical issues. Yes, I have cut things from our diets to see if that would help. Yes, I've tried putting him in his own bed. Yes, I've tried night weaning him. NOTHING WORKS. I'm telling you, this kid is superhuman!

Speaking of night weaning, I've been trying to do so for months on end, with absolutely no success. Since Kevin has been on break, we were being more aggressive with the night weaning. Until we were on our 3rd consecutive day with literally NO SLEEP. I'm talking not a wink. Sawyer is the product of two incredibly stubborn people, and the result is a child who will not give in. Like I said, he's normally very happy, but this situation was the exception. He was screaming for hours on end, completely inconsolable, because I refused to nurse him until the sun came up. Finally, at 6am, after 6 HOURS OF SCREAMING, he got in my face, and yelled, "I'll teach you. I'll teach you, Mommy. I won't sleep. I won't sleep ever again until you give me na-nas." And he meant it. He didn't sleep until the sun came up, and I nursed him, as per our agreement. This was the first time in my life I could say that I was afraid of a toddler. I knew in that moment that he was more determined than I was. He wasn't going to budge until I caved, and that was that. After 72 hours of no sleep, I have no idea how he did it. I think he's smarter than me already.

So, that's the story. My wonderful little boy never sleeps. I'm tired constantly, but it's been good training for my doula work, as I am often awake for days on end with little to no rest. If you see me tweeting or facebook-ing into the wee hours, now you know why. Because my kid is still up making me pretend soup or slaying dragons. 

I figure, I have 2 options: 1) is to just go with it and enjoy our late night giggles and cuddles, as I am a night owl myself. 2) Somehow bottle his maniacal energy and sell it to cocaine addicts. 







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Jan 2, 2012

It's Just a Boob, People. Get the F#©% Over It!


Really. That's all it is. A breast. A breast that biologically, mind you, was designed to feed a baby. Not designed for you to ogle at and drool over. Humans are mammals, are we not? Mammals are so named due to the fact that we have these things called mammary glands. What do mammary glands do, you ask?  Why, they make milk to feed babies/young offspring! 

Yet, in the U.S. at least, nursing moms are constantly told that nursing in public is "gross," "immodest," "indecent," and "inappropriate." Everyday, nursing moms are shamed by strangers, friends, and family. The most recent incident to make headlines was the Target Nurse-In at over 250 locations nationwide. I was glad to be a part of this act, even if only a handful of women showed up at my particular location. Soon after, NASCAR driver Kasey Kahne publicly bashed a mom for nursing in the grocery store. Several news outlets covered each of these stories, and the comments underneath them are horrific. Commenter upon commenter continuing to belittle nursing mothers. Telling them to "leave their tits in their shirts and use a pump, that's what they are for." 

WHEN WILL THIS END?!?!?!

To play Devil's Advocate here, let's just say that a woman sat down with her baby in the corner of a store department of your local "K-Wal-Get." She began feeding her baby a bottle of formula. She was then approached by 2 K-Wal-Get employees who asked her to move to a fitting room or bathroom to feed her baby, because what she was doing was "making other customers uncomfortable." The mom notices that no one seems to be complaining about her. Her baby is quiet, and she is out of the way of other customers navigating the aisles. She tells the employees that she and her baby are fine right where they are, and she continues feeding her baby the bottle. Suddenly, several more K-Wal-Get employees surround the mother and baby and again, tell her she really should move to the fitting room or bathroom. Other customers start to see the crowd around her and begin to become curious. Finally, the mom leaves upset, angry, and humiliated. The mom goes home, and contacts the corporate offices of K-Wal-Get. She is told by the corporate employee that K-Wal-Get is a "family-friendly establishment" and that employees are told to direct bottle feeding mothers to fitting rooms or bathrooms because their actions could make other shoppers uncomfortable. 
Miranda Kerr, nursing on the job. 

This sounds insane, doesn't it?! Well, almost this exact scenario played out in a Houston-area Target store when a mother was nursing her baby. If a mom who is feeding her baby with a bottle would never in a million bagillion years be told to feed her baby in the bathroom, then neither should a nursing mom. Yet, it happens all the time. When Sawyer was about a year old, I was at my local Victoria's Secret store. He was in the carrier, and I was nursing him while I shopped for some underwear that didn't come out of a 5-pack. About 5 minutes into his feeding, a middle-aged woman (not an employee, but a fellow shopper) told me that I should ask for a fitting room right away, because what I was doing was "so inappropriate. You're in a public place!" I quickly asked her if she thought the girls coming out of the fitting rooms in their bra and panties to show their boyfriends/husbands their lingerie choices were inappropriate. Of course she said "No. This is a lingerie store! That's why we're here." I then pointed to one of the  many bra ads. I asked her which was showing more skin: the models, or me? She turned about 30 shades of red and walked away. I felt extremely flustered, but also extremely proud of myself. From that day forward, I vowed to NEVER let anyone make me feel like feeding my baby the way nature intended was dirty or inappropriate. 
Who is showing more skin? Miranda while nursing, or her co-worker whilst "working?" 

I had another incident with a "friend" just recently over my participation in the Target Nurse-In. This was the first and only time I have ever gotten a negative reaction from a male over my nursing/nursing in public. He told me that if he had been at his local Target that day, he would have heckled the women participating. He told me that it was disgusting, that I should be respectful of others, and that my child was too old to be breastfed anyway. Needless to say, we aren't friends anymore. 

To all the naysayers who have all of these "answers" for why you shouldn't have to nurse in public, or be uncovered, here is my rebuttal. 

THEY SAY: Fine. Nurse in public, but at least cover those things up!

I have a cover. In fact, I have two. Sawyer never let me use them, so I never pushed the issue. Honestly, I found that I got more stares WITH the cover, as it is like wearing a giant flashing billboard that says, "BREASTFEEDING IN PROGRESS!!!!!!!! THERE'S A BABY ON MY BOOB!!!!!" Uncovered, most people thought I was just snuggling him or that he was sleeping. I take absolutely no issue with moms who choose to use one. It just never worked for me. However, I believe that it should be a mom's choice to cover, not a pressure that she feels from others to do so. All but 5 states have laws protecting nursing moms. In 45 states we can legally feed our babies whenever, wherever. Covered or uncovered. So, no, in those states, a mom can't be charged with indecent exposure. 

THEY SAY: Well, that's what pumps are for. Pump a bottle before you leave the house. Give that to your baby.

First of all, pumps are meant to be used for when mom is away from baby. Like when mom is at work, or out with friends, or her partner. When mom and baby are together, baby should eat from the source whenever possible. Also, not all babies take bottles. I have one of them. I spent probably over $100 on various brands of bottles, and Sawyer never took any. Luckily, when I started attending births, he was able to drink expressed breastmilk from a cup using a straw, but even that was hit or miss. Some babies want the boob, and nothing else will do. Would you rather a screaming baby provide the soundtrack to your shopping experience, meal, flight, etc? 

THEY SAY: Breasts are sexual. 

Culturally, yes. Biologically, not so much. Breasts are designed to produce milk for babies and young children. In our society, yes, they also function as a means of sexual arousal (although, usually for the opposite sex!). This doesn't negate their primary purpose as feeding mechanisms. Also, lots of things have more than one purpose. Are we not supposed to use anything that can also be used in a sexual way? I can use my hands and mouth sexually, so to that end, am I not supposed to touch or kiss my baby? 


Luckily, not everyone hates on nursing moms.  The Stir posted an awesome article on how nursing moms need to be respected just like formula feeding moms. Even Facebook apologized for deleting photos of moms breastfeeding.USA Today ran a great article on the subject. We really DO need to just get over it! It's a baby eating. It's not a sexual display, it's not indecent exposure. It's lunch. 

Maggie Gyllenhaal nurses in public!

And so do I. Although, this picture was taken in my bedroom. But I did share it on Twitter, so I guess that's technically nursing in public, then? 


This isn't about breastfeeding versus formula feeding. It isn't about female sexuality. It isn't about modesty versus immodesty. It's about babies. Hungry babies who want (and deserve to be!) fed. Whenever, however, wherever. End of story. 



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Dec 21, 2011

My Birthday is Funtimes..... For Everyone Else

This is my annual "I hate my birthday" post. Although, I've never actually posted about it. If you know me in the flesh, then you've heard my feelings on it. I just have to put it out there, so I can stop being a Grinch and move on. Here we go.

 So, when is this birthday? It's in four days, which would make it December 25th, aka CHRISTMAS DAY.

Now, when I tell people the date of my birth, I get the same reaction EVERY. SINGLE. TIME: "You mean, Christmas DAY?!" Okay, if it were any other day, I wouldn't have said CHRISTMAS. So yes, that's my birthday. No, you can't buy me a combo gift. Unless it's a car, a new house, or an iPad.

The combo gift is seriously the worst. I don't care much now, obviously, but when I was a kid, nothing bugged me more. Growing up, everyone I knew had a very distinctive birthday "time", and then Christmas or Chanukah. Not me. Everything got lumped into one. Then, seeing one (usually crappy) gift and a comment of, "it's for Christmas AND your birthday!" just made seethe. If my birthday was in June, would anyone have done that? I don't think so. Not that birthdays are about gifts. But, I'm sorry, it really shows how little you care when you can't even get a BIRTHDAY CARD for someone. You just hand them a crappy knock-off Barbie® doll in snowflake wrapping paper, and tell them it's for both. Ugh. I just wanted someone other than my parents and grandparents to acknowledge the fact that it was my freaking birthday.

Competing with Santa and Jesus is impossible. Not that I try. I'm never going to be cooler than a fat man in a red suit who breaks into your house and brings you toys in the middle of the night. Oh, and Jimmy Buffett. He has the same birthday as me, too. I know this, because I was raised by ParrotHeads. ParrotHeads who would play Jimmy Buffett songs at Christmas in his honor. Yeah. That happened. 

It was incredibly difficult to have a birthday party around the holidays. Everyone had other family obligations, were out of town, or otherwise unable to come. It sucked going to all of my friend's birthday parties, and they could never come to mine (either due to their family obligations, or there were years when my parents couldn't find time for a party for me due to our family obligations). It was really discouraging as a kid. Even now, it's almost impossible to plan a night out for my birthday. It's also hard to carve out time in a day that is by nature INSANE. My parents tried. They tried really hard. They always had (and still have) a Happy Birthday sign up and a birthday cake for me. They even tried celebrating my birthday in June or January, or whenever I wanted.

I obviously don't know anything else. I've seen other people on their birthdays, but I've never experienced it. My birthday will always be a sea of wrapping paper, fighting over who gets the shower next, incessant rushing, stress, and too much food.

On the bright side, I know that I am lucky to be here. I was born 2 months early, and was extremely healthy. So healthy that I was never in the NICU. I went home at the same time a full-term baby would have. Seeing what I have in my doula work, I know that is nothing short of a Christmas miracle.


That's me! On my 1st Birthday, and my 2nd Christmas




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Dec 11, 2011

2012 Is Going To Be My Year, Dammit!

My birthday is in 2 weeks, so I've been reviewing the past year of my life and figuring out where I'd like to go from here. So, this year hasn't been the greatest. It hasn't been the worst, either, but there's definitely some room for improvement. I have decided that 2012 is going to be MY YEAR. I'm going to make it that way. You hear me, Universe? THIS IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR!!!!!


HIPSTER GOALS FOR 2012

  • GET PREGNANT! (I also had this goal in 2011, but I KNOW it is going to happen this year!)
  • Sign up for my first round of classes to get the rest of my required classes out of the way so I can apply to Chiropractic school. 
  • Get (mostly) out of debt.
  • Sell our mini van.
  • Buy a portable washing machine.
  • Help Kev get a new job.
  • Get S swimming lessons.
  • Find an additional location to teach HypnoBirthing®
  • Have 1,000 followers on Facebook and Twitter for this here blog!
  • Do more freelance marketing consulting for women-owned small businesses.
  • Be more positive.
  • Dye my hair a crazy color
  • Get in shape.
  • Be a better friend, wife, and mother.
  • Stop drinking soda.
  • Get better at knitting, like A LOT better.
  • Write more. Write often. Write awesomely.

Also, tomorrow, I will be guest posting over at Dead Cow Girl. She's a Dominatrix turned AP Mommy! The post will most definitely NOT be safe for work. But I hope you guys will like it. I'll post the link tomorrow morning.

What are your goals for 2011, Hipsters? Let me know! We're all in this together!


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Dec 4, 2011

The Rock and the Hard Place

Money is tight in our household. Actually, tight isn't even a strong enough word. Money is so tight it's strangled. My husband doesn't make a lot of money, and his work doesn't pay any portion of our health insurance, so his tiny paychecks are even more so.  And while I am fairly steady with teaching and doula work, something always ends up happening (car trouble, holidays, unexpected medical expenses) and I have to use the money I make on those things, instead of us getting ahead. so we have decided to sell one of our cars.. I am hoping to every god, fairy, and universe that the little car doesn't have anything majorly wrong with it (I know it needs tires and maybe brakes)  so we can keep that car, and sell the van. The van is big and a gas guzzle and I just hate it. Plus, we can sell it for twice as much as the little car, and we could DEFINITELY use the money.

Which kinda puts us in a weird place. We will sell one of the cars, for sure, but if we have to sell the little car, that will suck SO HARD. Not to mention, being a one car family will also suck. But I am prepared to do it. We need to do this. It will help us get out of debt, not to mention shave almost $200 off of our monthly bills. To us, this is HUGE. I know that to some, $200 is a drop in the bucket, but for us, it is a matter of being able to save money, or simply live paycheck to paycheck. As hard as it will be, I know it is for the greater good. We are paying it forward. These are difficult times, and sacrifices must be made.

But it's also so much more. My husband and I are constantly stressed out. We're hoping the finds a higher paying job in another school district for the next school year, but there's a good possibility that won't happen. Every month, I pray something doesn't go wrong so we don't have to shell out money we don't have. I worry about what will happen for our future. I know that times are hard, and we are by no means extravagant or reckless with our money. I just wish things were different. I thought that by working hard and being responsible, we would get ahead. So far, that is NOT the case.

I've had crippling anxiety lately because I don't know where we are going. Is having another baby a good idea? Is that why it's not happening? Can I handle any more stress? Can my husband? I hate feeling like this. I know my husband does, too. We've been having a really tough time lately, with us both being stressed out about various things, but also because we aren't exactly on the same page with some things. Sometimes I feel like we have the same argument over and over and over.

I feel like no matter what I do, I'm stuck. Things just keep sucking, and nothing I do helps. I could really use some positive energy right now. If you have any to spare, please send it my way!



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Dec 2, 2011

Home Birth Guest Post Series: Elizabeth's Home Birth Stories!


Our home has seen 3 home births-my youngest children, and my first grandchild.
I am a co-founder of ICAN. My second daughter was an emergency cesarean in 1979. My third child was a hospital VBAC, who weighed 10 lbs, 2 1/2 ozs. When I became pregnant 4 years later, i was a 35 year old overweight woman who had had an over 10 lb baby. If i'd chosen a hospital birth, they would have stamped high risk on my forehead and whisked me to OR as soon as I got to the hospital.

My midwives saw me as a strong woman whose body had worked well with two babies. I labored, off and on, for 3 days with Naomi, but finally birthed her on our bed, with my husband beside me, one midwife behind me, holding me in her embrace, and our 3 daughters and my mom watching. My mom cut her cord. It was peaceful, powerful and perfect.

Four years later, my granddaughter was born in our back bedroom,  me holding my daughter up, her sisters watching, and my husband pacing in the hall outside. We had the same midwives, and the same loving care. Rosie was born with her tiny hand on her cheek, but Megan didn't tear at all, as her midwife knew to go slow and gentle, to coax her entry into the world.

A year and a quarter after Rosie's birth, Sam splashed down, very early in the morning. We hadn't planned a water birth. Sam was born face up. Every other baby, when it came time to push, I had a child in my arms 10 minutes later. With Sam, the first pushing urge I had was so painful that I immediately learned how to ignore it. Two hours later, my midwives ran a bath in our old claw-foot tub, and helped me into it. We were all exhausted. Hillary was leaning against the cabinet while I dozed in the tub. She told me that this baby was presenting differently than my others, and it was going to hurt to birth him or her. I needed to just deal with it.  She went back to my bedroom to talk to the other midwives and Richard. If I couldn't push, maybe I needed to go to the hospital. At that moment, I had another pushing contraction. I let out a groan, grabbed the sides of the tub, and pushed Sam out. Everyone came running. Hillary made a grab for him, but he squirted out of her arms. Richard caught him and lifted him out of the water. Hillary placed him in my arms, and I looked at my beautiful babe. He had his legs crossed, and I thought he was our fifth girl. I said, "Oh, Zoe!"
Hillary said, "No, Liz, this one's a boy".
I said, "Are you sure?" at which point, he uncrossed his legs. Yeah, she was sure. It was pretty obvious we had a Samuel, not a Zoe.



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Nov 30, 2011

It's Official, I Have the Cutest Little Boy of All Time!

 Of course I think that, I am his mother. But lots of other people say it, too. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I've taken S out where someone hasn't commented on how adorable he is. I chalk it up to the fact that he just has an exact replica of my face. Well, except for the blue eyes. He got those from Daddy. The blonde hair we're still trying to figure out.

Last week, my BFF Maggie from Maggie Cuprisin Photography took these amazing pictures of Sawyer at her studio. They are for his grandparents for Christmas. Luckily, none of them read this blog, so I can post them early! These are just a few of the many, but trust me, they are all freaking ADORABLE. Feel free to comment on what total dreamboat I created. :)

Being coy.... 
My little model!



This ND jersey belonged to my youngest brother, he gave it to S for his 2nd birthday

Merry Christmas!

His feet are huge. He wears a size 10. 

Maggie took a picture JUST like this when he was 9 months old. I love comparing them. 

Full Disclosure: Maggie happens to be my BFF, however I was a client of her's BEFORE we were friends. She does amazing work, and is incredibly patient, creative and talented. She was able to capture my little boy's personality and spirit in a way that no cookie cutter portrait studio could. Maggie Cuprisin Photography is located in Downers Grove, IL. For more information on Maggie, please click here. If you are local, make sure you check her out. You will absolutely fall in love with her work. 




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Nov 26, 2011

Lily Allen Isn't a "First Time Mom" & She Didn't Have a "Miscarriage" at 6 Months Pregnant

I don't really blog about celebrities or the like, but for this, I make an exception. British pop singer and hipster goddess, Lily Allen, gave birth to her daughter yesterday in London. The celeb news circuit is a buzz with the story, and how she is "FINALLY A MOTHER" and talking about her "first-time mom" status. Except, she isn't a finally a mother. She isn't a first time mom.

Lily Allen on her wedding day, about 4 months pregnant with her daughter 


A few years ago, she suffered an early miscarriage (somewhere in the 8-10 week range, it's been reported.)  Then, in November 2010, she lost her son at 6 months gestation. Lily, quite rightly, has chosen to keep the details of her son's life and death private, so no one knows exactly what happened. The only details that emerged were that she had a "pre-term delivery." Her son very well may have been born alive. Even if he wasn't, at 6+ months of pregnancy, that is not a miscarriage. It would have been a STILLBIRTH.

The media continually perpetuating her loss as a miscarriage, especially when her son may very well have been born alive, just shows how much our culture refuses to acknowledge baby loss at any stage. Lily Allen lost a viable little boy. She had to birth and bury him. She had to carry and nurture his growing body for over half a year. She loved him and prepared and planned for him to come earth side. Then, she had to plan for his goodbye much too soon. She had to go to her home and look at all of the things he would never wear, the toys he would never play with, the room he would never sleep in, the chair she would never rock him in. I can't imagine how she got through it. As amazing and life-changing the birth of her new baby girl is, I am sure that there is a lot of sadness and longing, as well.

 Loss at any stage of pregnancy is horrific. I am in no way trying to say that miscarriage isn't something to be upset about. It most certainly is. I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that the media is inaccurately reporting this situation. After 20 weeks, a loss is no longer considered a miscarriage, it is a still birth. Also, like I said, no one knows if her son was born alive, and later died. That is a very real possibility, and definitely NOT a miscarriage or stillbirth. By the media refusing to acknowledge this fact, they are in many ways, denying her son the respect he deserves as a person. A little person who deserves to be grieved. A little boy who has a mother who will love him until the day she dies.

She is not a first time mom. She may only have 1 living child, but she is not a first time mother.   She may have one child in her arms, but she will always hold another in her heart. And that shouldn't be ignored.




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Nov 23, 2011

Home Birth Guest Post Series: Eli's Home Birth Story

Thank you to Jen for submitting this beautiful story! There are MANY, MANY more to come! Photobucket


ELI'S HOME BIRTH STORY 

Our birth story probably actually begins Monday evening, September 13 around 10:30PM. This was the first night I had anything that I could consider to be "real" pressure waves. Instead of the annoying tightening all over my belly, I started having what I would describe as period-like cramping in the very bottom of my abdomen. The cramps would build up and then fade away. It was nothing I'd even call painful, just different. I started timing just out of curiosity and had 3 that were 12 minutes apart, followed by 2 more at 10 minutes apart. Then they faded away and I drifted off to sleep.  

  

I had also been walking around with pretty severe backache for several days by this point. I'd sit at my desk at work with a roll of stickers between the small of my back and the back of my chair to try and counter the pain. The backaches were pretty constant though, no matter what I did to try and remedy them. Tuesday night at bedtime, I noticed some new discharge when I went to the bathroom that resembled snot. I didn't want to get too excited and brushed it off as nothing. Wednesday morning though, I had some additional snot-like mucuous -- this time it was blood-tinged. I knew then that it had to be part of my mucuous plug and bloody show, and I couldn't help but get a bit excited. I sent my husband, Scott, a text message at work about it. He told me he had to ask some of the women he worked with what the mucous plug and bloody show were, but that every woman he talked to was absolutely convinced that labor was imminent. He tried to convince me to go home to rest, but I knew that the mucuous plug can regenerate and that it could still be quite some time before labor would begin. I stuck out the rest of the day at work with no other incident. I even stayed a bit later to get some extra things out of the way and went to fill up my gas tank, because Thursday evening we had another prenatal appointment scheduled with our midwife, Pam, and I knew I wouldn't have time between work Thursday evening and the appointment to fill up.  
  

I got home shortly before 6PM, intending to make eggs for dinner as I did weekly. I ran to the bathroom and while in there, I had another "real" pressure wave. This time, however, I finally considered it to be painful. I let Scott know that plans had changed and asked him to fix my daughter, Maia, something simple for dinner and then went into the bedroom to lay down. Scott followed me in and asked me what was going on. I told him I thought I had just had a real pressure wave and that this might be it for real this time. We began to time waves  and they were coming at regular intervals of 7 minutes. I decided to take a shower and it helped to dull the discomfort a bit. When I got out, I went back into the bedroom to rest a bit. My mom called at that point and I let her know I thought I was in labor. She asked about how far apart pressure waves were and how painful I thought they were and then urged me to call Pam.   
  

I put in my first call to Pam at 6:30PM. Her husband answered the phone and said that she had forgotten her phone when she left the house. He asked for my name and said he would get a hold of her for me. After I got off the phone with Pam's husband, I decided to try a bath. Scott put on my Hynobabies "Fear Clearing" CD and I sat in the tub for about 10 minutes. I found that I was very uncomfortable in the shallow water though, and very quickly got out and returned to bed to wait for Pam to call. By 7PM, I still hadn't heard from her so I tried her phone twice with no answer. Somewhere in all of this, I also managed to let my sister, Kelly, and my pastor's wife, Cindy, know that I was in labor. My sister thought I was kidding as she was at work and wanted to be present for the birth. She tried to get someone to cover for her, and had actually found someone to do so, but my mom forbid her to make the hour or so drive in the dark due to her night blindness. Cindy asked us to contact her when things really picked up so she could get some sleep.   

  

At 7:20, I called Pam's phone one more time and her husband answered again. I asked if he had gotten in touch with Pam yet and he said he had. I let him know that I thought I was in labor and he told me he would contact Pam again. She called from another phone at 7:30PM. I told her that my pressure waves were 6 - 7 minutes apart for the past hour and a half and that they were lasting about 40 seconds. Pam asked if I was able to walk or talk through them, and I told her that I felt as if I was having to concentrate through them as I was having them in my back and front simultaneously and also mentioned that I was stooling between every other contraction, so my body was definitely trying to clear itself out at that point. She told me that she was in West Bend (about 45 minutes from where she lives), but was heading back to Fond du Lac (another 45 minutes from us) to get her supplies and would be to me as soon as she could. I jumped back in the shower afterward while Scott got the bed ready with plastic and our birthing sheets and then I laid on my side in bed with a heating pad pressed to my back.  

  

By this point, I was having to use focused breathing to get through the waves. When Scott was in the room, he would massage my back while I breathed. When he was out of the room attending to Maia or other things, I'd do my best to massage my own back through the heating pad during pressure waves. Scott put Maia to bed and then he came to lay with me and massage my back. The pressure waves were gradually picking up in intensity and coming closer together, but I managed to stay calm and somewhat relaxed through them all.   
  

Pam arrived at the house at around 9:15PM. She checked the baby's heart tones through a pressure wave and found that he was holding steady in the 120's. She also asked if she could check my cervix and found that my inner os was dilated to 1.5 cm and paper thin, the outer os was dilated to 5 cm and that baby was sitting at 0 station. Then she and Scott got started setting up the birth pool. Scott would come in to check on me occassionally and help to massage my back through another wave. I remember that I was dozing off between waves by this point and only waking long enough to breath through the peaks. I was tired as I'd been up since 7AM that morning and hadn't had anything to eat or much to drink since 3:30PM that afternoon. The pool took awhile to fill as the water heater had to refill in between. Pam came in to check the baby's heart tones through a pressure wave about once an hour and Scott also mentioned to me that Pam was sleeping on the sofa between monitoring and while waiting to add more water to the tub.  

  

I think it was after midnight sometime when I was told that the tub was full and they were just waiting for it to cool enough for me to get into it. My pressure waves were coming every 4 minutes or so at this point and were at the most intense that I remember them getting, although they were still bearable enough for me to simply breathe through and try my best to keep my body relaxed, which I found helped to keep them less painful if I didn't fight them or tense up. We thought I had quite awhile to go yet, but apparently we were wrong.   

  

Just before 1AM, my pressure waves suddenly changed directions. I began to involuntarily bare down and my water bag broke across the bed. All plans for using the birthing tub were pushed aside. I began loudly insisting that I felt like I needed to have a bowel movement. Pam assured me that I probably didn't need to, that it was my baby getting ready to come out. She checked me in between pressure waves and found that I had a bit of a cervical lip left over. She told me she didn't really want me to push. However, when the next wave came, my body again began to bare down without any help from me. It was next to impossible to fight it and I remember loudly letting Scott and Pam know this. Pam told me that if that's what my body was telling me to do, then I should allow it.   

  

The pushing pressure waves were far less painful than the waves I'd been having all night, and it actually felt like a relief to be able to push. I continued to push on my side with one foot on Pam's shoulder for 10 or 15 minutes. Pam told me to change positions if my body told me to do so and I told her I thought I'd like to try pushing on my hands and knees. I got up on my hands and knees and felt like it was much more effective. With the next push, Pam told me she could tell I was doing the right thing by being in that position.   
  

Around this time, I told Scott to go and get Maia out of bed. Things had changed pace so quickly, I hadn't had the chance to call Cindy to have her come over, but I decided to have Maia come down anyway. Scott brought Maia down, but she seemed a bit confused and disoriented, so she went to sit in the living room. I continued to push on my hands and knees. Pam and Scott began telling me to push gently; the baby was coming. Controlling the pushes was tough, but I apparently managed to do it. Next thing I knew, as I roared the baby into the world (at least I felt like I was roaring -- Pam insisted I made nothing louder than normal birth sounds) I was told that the head was out, then the body. At 1:30AM sharp, Scott got to catch our baby, who's right hand was crossed over left shoulder and tucked under the chin. Scott is all about bragging up the awesome priviledge of catching his own child now. I heard a nice, strong cry almost immediately. Then, Scott passed the baby through my legs to me and Pam and Scott helped me to lay back on the bed. APGAR scores were 9 and 9.  
  

I didn't even immediately think to check the sex as I was so in awe that I had actually done it. I had my home birth. I did it drug free. And I was surrounded by the people I loved. After a many second delay, I looked and discovered that I had given birth to a beautiful, perfect son. Scott and I had come to the agreement that I would be able to name a boy and he would name a girl. So I gave him his name, Eli Robert James, and cuddled him close. My placenta delivered at 1:37AM and sat in a glass bowl next to my leg as the cord remained attached to my beautiful boy. Scott went into the living room to get Maia and she still wouldn't come into the room due to the blood that was on the chux pads beneath me. Pam took care of that and covered me up so the blood couldn't be seen, and then Maia finally came to meet her new baby brother. She seemed afraid to touch him at first, but she was smiling and clearly proud to be a big sister.  
   

Due to some excessive bleeding, Pam decided to give me a shot of pitocin. This wasn't particularly surprising as I recall some excessive bleeding with Maia's birth as well. We nursed for the first time around 2:00AM. I was surprised at how strong his latch was and so happy to see him alert and looking at me while he ate his first meal on the outside. Eli remained attached to his placenta until around this time. Pam wanted to be entirely sure it had stopped pulsing before cutting it. Once she was certain that all of the pulsing had stopped, she clamped the cord and Scott got to cut him free.  
Eli was not taken from my chest for 2 hours. We spent the first hours of his life cuddling, and nursing, and getting to know eachother. During this time, I also received a second shot of pitocin, because I was still bleeding more than Pam liked. She cleaned me up, finding that I did have a small tear; however, she thought that we might be able to get away with allowing the tissue to heal on its own. She then took Eli from me to check his reflexes and get him weighed and measured. All of his reflexes were present. He weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces and was 21 inches long. He had a 35 centimeter head and a 34 centimeter chest.   

  

After measurements had been taken, Pam decided it was time for me to try and use the bathroom. Scott and Pam tried several times to stand me up, but I was far too light-headed from the blood loss. Pam checked more closely and discovered that the small tear was actually accompanied by a burst hematoma and it was found that this was likely the actual cause of the excessive bleeding. She decided to catheterize me first to empty my bladder since I was too dizzy to walk to the bathroom and couldn't convince my body to urinate on a towel that Pam had rolled between my legs. Afterward she stitched me up -- 4 stitches in all, but overall pretty minor. Pam didn't leave until after 7AM, when she was sure it was safe to do so. She promised to be back that evening to check on us and left me with an encouraging hug.   
  

The birth of my son, Eli, was a healing experience for me. Maia's birth 6 years earlier had been very traumatic. Having my second child in the comfort and peace of my own home with only my husband and my guardian in attendance was exactly what I needed to move on and stop blaming myself for all of the things that had gone wrong the first time around. God's hand was truly on me throughout this pregnancy and birth. Praises to Him for the blessings I have received in the form of my beautiful son, Eli, the never-ending support of my husband, Scott, and the guardian angel and dear friend we have found in our midwife, Pam.   

  

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, 

before you were born I set you apart..." 
Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)       
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